Have You Forgotten?

Have You Forgotten?

I had this thought the other night, and I know it isn't really anything profound but for the first time I think I really felt this way.

"I am not worthy. I don't deserve anything that Christ offers."

I think I understand how someone can consider everything that they have done and come to the conclusion that there is no way that Christ could want them or love them or even die for them.

I think that Satan has been trying to blind me to the wonderful, beautiful, incredible story of Jesus Christ. Nothing that I have done in my life could possibly earn me any right to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. Salvation is not something that I can buy or work my way into. It is and only can be a gift. God didn't send his Only son to die for people who could be good enough and love enough to get into heaven because such a thing is not even possible. He sent his Only son to die for us because without his gift of grace and salvation there is no way that we could ever enter the Kingdom of God. "The payment for sin and the life that we live without Christ is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 6:23). There is no way that we could ever be good enough to even see a glimpse of eternal life.

"Yes, everything is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. . . .I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God's way of making us right with himself depends on faith. I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead" (Philippians 3:8-10).

Is that not the most powerful thing you've ever heard? A God who thinks so highly of you and knows that you could never be perfect enough to come into His presence gives you a Gift through sacrificing his one and only son so that you can one day be with him for all eternity in the Kingdom.

Ever Been Here?

Ever Been Here?

So for the past few weeks I have been feeling rather lost in this world and this place that I have come to call my home over the last 3-4 years. I don't feel like I fit in this ministry here anymore. It's like something died inside me and I feel like I am not making any difference to anyone anymore. I don't have passion for church membership or trying to convince people that they need to be a part of the church family here, maybe that is because I don't believe that it is one. That's a different story though.
I meet a few times a week with the ministry team here at Pepperdine which consists of two campus ministers and a group of college students who want to make a difference; and I see them making a difference in the things that they do and the people they come into contact with on a regular basis. Their lives scream "I've got it together" and people see that and are driven to them. I go through my daily life of classes and homework and a few hours in the office with an occasional conversation that may or may not go beyond the surface level talk that we all engage in and forget about the moment we part. Once or twice a week I will have a real conversation with a good friend about life and feel like it was actually a good use of time.
I feel empty and stuck in a hole without a way to climb out. My time spent with God has not been the best recently and I struggle to get myself to read and really pray without distraction. The Word does not seem to have the power and meaning it once did for me and I ask why.

Well, this all became too much for me last week and I broke down. My heart ached for the times when I felt so close to God and had such a passion for this ministry that I remain a part of. Trying to explain how I felt and what was going on in my heart to my best friend thousands of miles away seemed impossible, but we prayed together and he gave me the encouragement that I needed. Since that afternoon I've been to many bible talks (sermons, lectures, devos, etc) and tried to make that connection that I was longing to regain. Some things that were said would stick out to me and I knew that I probably needed to hear them.
My God is enough -Isaiah 40:25-31
I am enough - John 3:16
I finally went to talk with one of my minsters and told him what was going on and how I was struggling and he just looked at me and apologized for not thanking me or showing appreciation for the work that I do. There are weeks that he meets with the elders and thinks to himself, I've forgotten to contact these students and talk to them, and is astounded by the number that my partner and I have been in conversation with. "Without you two girls, these students may have been left behind." It seems like such a small thing to me and takes so little time that I don't see or feel the difference it makes, but hearing him say that brought a little light back in. He went on to tell me how I remind him of the woman described in Proverbs 31. He tells me that what he sees in me compared to the younger girls walking around is a woman of strength, wisdom and love. He says that I am one of the most influential women he knows and wishes that I were not graduating in a few short months. Then he went on to say that in his experience with such times as these it could be God testing him to see how determined and dedicated he is to the Word, but also that perhaps it is a time when the cup is overflowing and is not being used for it's entire purpose. He spoke of the Dead Sea and the Sea of Galilee. The Dead Sea only has an inlet and takes and takes the water but things die because it just sits there. The Sea of Galilee, however has both and inlet and an outlet and water flows through it constantly and it brings life. Much like the Sea of Galilee we need to not only have our source of water(life) but also give that life to others and let if flow through us. He challenged me to ask God to bring people into my heart that I can encourage and allow the overflow of my cup to cover them. Perhaps I am full and need to stop thinking about doing ministry and just be love for those who need it around me.
Needless to say I was encouraged and am excited to see who God will place on my heart.

An Ever-Changing Story

I've been working for the University Church of Christ at Pepperdine for almost a year now as the student coordinator for student membership with the church. Mostly I spend time talking with the students and getting them connected with the church on campus. As a church on a college campus we want to make sure that our students are taken care of and are getting the spiritual guidance and food that they need. My job is to make sure that the students are familiar with the Church of Christ and then if they wish to be added as a member to get their information, enter into the directory and send their names to the church office to be printed in the bulletin and announced during the two services the following week at church. The other part of my job is to run reports for the frequency of the members' attendance and find out if the students Church of Christ students are being taken care of as well as if the students who join the church as freshman and go over-seas for a year return to the church.

Toward the end of every school year student workers reapply for either the same position or another for the following year. Things are going to be a little different next year in that there will no longer be interns but coordinators for each position and many people who sort of work under them. So, I applied to be a coordinator again for the same position. In the application process we are asked a few questions about our spiritual journey to the current time. It was about a year ago this time that I wrote out my story for the same reason and I was thinking, "well, it's pretty much the same," but as I began to write I realized that my story has actually changed quite a bit. A lot has happened in a year and God has done a lot of teaching and healing in me. I told my story very differently than I had ever really told it before. It went something like this . . .

I grew up in a rather large family that attended church together on a weekly basis and as I grew I was very much involved with the youth group. At home my sister and I argued about everything all the time and being the older sister I took advantage of that authority fairly often. I was baptized at the age of 16 and began to realize my role as an older sister and model of Christ to her was very important. I took on more of a leadership position in my final years of High School specifically with the youth group and moved out to a Christian University where I knew that I would find support and guidance from a Christian family. It is really in my college years that I have had to make my faith my own. I have always been a church-goer and that wasn’t a struggle for me, but more understanding why I believe the things that I’ve been taught and how different parts of life play into Christian faith. I have been through some of the struggles of moving away from home and my parents accepting that I have grown up, but tremendous growth and healing have resulted. I have also in this past year worked through some personal issues with the help of counseling. I have been blessed with amazing friends and a relationship with someone who loves God more than me and strives to learn more about God and grow to be more like Him everyday, and that continues to challenge me and strengthen my faith. Being away from home it is difficult to maintain a close relationship with my sister, but I am trying to be a good model for her and hope that one day she will commit her life to Christ. Finding a balance between the time that I spend with people developing friendships and making sure that I have personal time with God everyday is the main focus in my life right now. As well as striving to be wholehearted for God.

A year ago I would not have been able to say these same things. God continues to teach me new things about Him and how to be a better example of His Son.

I will continue to work for the Universtiy Church of Christ next year and will have a partner working with me so that we can incorporate more student/pepperdine resident activities in order that the college students and the Pepperdine faculty and residents can become more aquainted and the church can actually be a family.

Wednesday Night Worship: 6-27-07

The past few summers I have been trying to work on my relationship with God, learning about Him and experiencing Him in ways that I never have before. I like to think of summer as the perfect time to bring God back into the places in my life that I have pushed Him out of. I get so distracted during the school year with everything that is going on and I really do kind of push Him out or put Him on the back burner in certain areas of my life. My prayer life is the main thing that suffers and turns into only going to God when I am really struggling and in need instead of actually spending time with Him. I have gotten into this really bad habit of a few quick prayers as a result, so that I don’t have to find a place and set aside time to be alone with God. So, something that I have been working on this summer is breaking that bad habit and learning to stay focused and pray for an extended amount of time. One of the best things that I have found is turning the radio off in my car and talking out loud to God as I drive. The longer the drive is the better because it turns into some really deep, meaningful prayer and things that had been on my heart and I hadn’t been able to put into words suddenly come out. Linda also suggested singing out loud to God in the car. I tried that on my last drive home and it ended up being about half prayer and half singing for the whole drive. So, I definitely recommend that; it was amazing.

Also, in my prayer I just recently began to try to address God as my Father and talk to Him as if He were here and I wanted to tell Him all about my day and things that were happening in my life. I feel like that is an important view of God to have. I have always struggled with seeing Him that way. Naturally when I think of a father I think of my dad and I know that I don’t have the closest relationship with him. Therefore in trying to make God my Father you can see where it would be difficult especially when it comes to communication. My earthly father is not perfect, as no human being is, but God is perfect and the perfect Father and forcing myself to think that way and realize it changes my prayer and overall view of God. He is not only a powerful, just, and almighty God, but a loving, caring father who wants to be a part of my life and I am His daughter.

Another major thing in my spiritual life that has been lacking is listening and hearing God’s voice and knowing when it is Him. I get so caught up in focusing on talking to God that I tend to forget that the other part of prayer is listening. When I can get myself to pray for 30 min I think that I am doing great, but the real challenge is being silent and maintaining that focus without distraction or interruption. If you were at the University Church this last Sunday then you heard what Ken said about listening being one of the best things that we can offer. As he mentioned, Jesus listened to many and it was then that He drew out the deep waters of their souls.

James 1:19
“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

Listening is precisely what God does in our lives, does He not also deserve to be heard?

God speaks to us each in a different and unique way but we have to be listening and willing to hear when He does.

1Samuel 3:1-10
“The boy Samuel ministered before the Lord under Eli. In those days the word of the Lord was rare; there were not many visions. One night Eli, whose eyes were becoming so weak that he could barely see, was lying down in his usual place. The lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the temple of the Lord, where the Ark of God was. Then the Lord called Samuel. Samuel answered, ‘Here I am.’ And he ran to Eli and said, ‘Here I am; you called me.’ But Eli said, ‘I did not call; go back and lie down.’ So he went and lay down. Again the Lord called, ‘Samuel!’ And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, ‘Here I am; you called me.’ ‘My son,’ Eli said, ‘I did not call; go back and lie down.’ Now Samuel did not yet know the Lord: The Word of the Lord had not yet been revealed to him. The Lord called Samuel a third time, and Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, ‘Here I am; you called me.’ Then Eli realized that the Lord was calling the boy. So Eli told Samuel, ‘Go and lie down and if he calls you, say, ‘Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.’’ So Samuel went and lay down in his place. The Lord came and stood there, calling as at the other times, ‘Samuel! Samuel!’ Then Samuel said, ‘Speak, for your servant is listening.’”

Samuel may not have known that it was God calling him at first but each time he was ready to listen and when Eli told him that it was the Lord, he answered and heard what the Lord had to say to him. Listening is something that takes practice, especially listening for God’s voice. It takes a conscience effort in staying close in your relationship with him and being willing to hear His voice. Then, I think, you will begin to recognize His voice.

A Learning Moment

Has God ever caught your attention suddenly and told you exactly what He wants you to do? Stopped you from thinking only of yourself for just a second and made you realize something that you really already knew but hadn't been applying to your life? In other words, has God ever thrown something in your face that you should have seen long before?

Have you ever refused to listen to Him? Never let the thought of there being another side to something enter your mind? If you keep ignoring Him, it'll come to the point where He stops putting opportunities in front of you and you may never become all He wants you to be.

God speaks to us in funny ways sometimes. I am not talking about God immitating Popeye, Mickey Mouse, or Steve Carell, or even the burning bush or the audible voice. I am talking about the different ways that he shows us when we are wrong; the obstacles that get in our way or the doors that he closes, the people that He puts in our lives. Sometimes He lets us struggle and try to figure out what we should do and sometimes it is as easy as black and white. Sometimes we are just not wanting to hear the right answer and we turn our backs when He wants to teach us.

I find no joy in public speaking. I would much rather have a couple of people listen to what I have to say than deliver a speech in front of hundreds. I never know where to begin or even if what I say will make any difference. I dont have the knowledge or practice of writing sermons or teaching Biblical lessons; all that I say comes from personal experience. That alone puts me in a very uncomfortable, vulnerable, and nerve-wrecking position. I don't feel like I have very much experience in anything and don't really see why it would be beneficial for anyone to listen to me ramble on about my life. Well, God certainly threw one right at me and it hit me in the face. Every one of those reasons for me to not get up and speak on any topic is a selfish one. I could never say the right words even if I tried, but that is not something that I need to worry about because in that situation God will be the only one talking. And if I am in any way interrested in becoming the woman that He wants me to be, how is that going to happen if I won't let Him work in and through me? This doesn't necesarily mean that it is going to be any easier or that I am even going to enjoy it more, what it means is that I am not going to say "no" to God and this opportunity to grow.

*special thanks to a certain someone who was there to discuss this with me, and see me come to this realization without telling me what I needed to do

Not everything in life is just handed to you. Some things you have to work really hard for. So, when something does come easily know that you have been blessed.

Taking that a step further, in certain places it has nothing to do with whether you have worked hard, it may just be that the technological advancement has not come far enough and therefore, the tools and skills with which certain things are constructed that make life more pleasant are not available.

A couple friends of mine along with some Pepperdine students have chosen to spend a portion of their summer in a place just like that, Uganda, Africa. They are there not only to repair a lot of things that the locals just don't have the money or means to fix, but to do some church planting and spend time in the Word with them. In a message that I got from Doug Free, he mentioned that he missed his foaming hand wash back home. Doug happens to be one of the most humble men I know when it comes to "stuff" and becoming dependant on it to the point of being unwilling to give it up, but his little comment about the soap got me thinking about some of the major things that I do or use everyday and forget to be thankful for.

Not everyone has been so blessed in life as to not have to worry about the things that I, personally, have gotten used to and taken for granted. There are countless people who do not have the simple luxuries that make life easier and more pleasant; for example, being able to take a hot shower every morning, having a constant source of electricity, underground pluming and a sturdy house big enough, in most cases, to provide each member of the family with their own room for privacy. It is easy to forget so quickly that I have been abundantly blessed in life; not just with these things but many others little things as well.

Just recently I had $75 stolen from my wallet and while I was a little upset about losing the money, I was reminded that even without it I would not really suffer at all. Sure I worked to earn it, but it is God who gave it to me and it is He who can also take it. It was a humbling moment for me and I am sure that it was much needed.

Life Lessons

Some of us are people who learn from the mistakes that others make and some of us need to make those mistakes on our own and suffer the consequences that follow in order to truly learn something. It seems to me that there are somethings that no one else can teach you, things that you have to experience on your own and in the process discover who you are and who you want to be. I would say that I have spent the last month learning about myself and figuring out who I am. There were a few people who did their best to keep me from trying some new things, but I knew that without the experience I could never fully know what I know now. The month was certainly not one that was without lots of tears and hurt, and maybe that is what those few people were wanting to keep me from, but it was a necessary hurt that resulted in some reaffirmation of what I cannot live without. I understand the desire to prevent heartache in someone's life but when it come to something as personal as a relationship, I do believe that it is up to the people involved to make the decisions and over time the right one will be made. In this time I came to understand that above all God is number one and my relationship with Him comes first, and if for some reason it is not where it should be then something needs to change. Also, I now understand the importance of communication and the foundation of a great friendship in any relationship. Without that foundation, conversations suffer and then communication fails. Finally, respect is very very important and lack thereof causes so much hurt that it may take more time than wanted in order to completely heal. I will say that through all God never left, even when I felt so far from Him, and that all persons involved will remain good friends. God never ceases to amaze me and will never hold His will from me or lead me down the wrong path. I do not regret anything that happened and I am learning to be thankful for heartache and the life lessons that came from it.

A Second Chance

I am a bit behind in my devo workbook and so this morning I did the second say of unit 9 when I should have been doing the 5th day. This unit is about obedience and what it means to obey the commands of the Lord. I read about Jonah and how God called him to take a message to the people of Nineveh, but he ran from God rather than doing as he was asked. God did not let Jonah run too far before he began to face the consequences of his decision. Jonah's disobedience was the reason for a mighty storm that frightened some sailors and lead them to throwing him overboard. And then Jonah was swallowed by a rather large fish and remained in there for three days and three nights before he was spat back onto the shore and given the command again to go to Nineveh with a message from God. (Jonah 1:1-17, 2:9-3:10)

God does not have to give us a second chance to obey Him, but He is not going to let us continue to be disobedient. He will send us consequences for the choices that we make, like Jonah. When we are given a second chance we need to be more aware of it and make it count instead of assuming that God is always going to give us another chance. A lot of us would not be where we are today if God allowed us to only make one mistake.